#you expected wrong im not normal

[tinukis]

too shy to share this thought on twt so it goes here heyyy anyway um

im just thinking about a world where asura failed to save nika and could never forgive himself so he vows that he'd save him in another life. he doesnt expect nika to forgive him, but he does. nika doesnt even think he has to forgive him because of his unwavering faith in nika

AAAHDIWHDKWJDKHQODHQOFJWJDKQMDOQNDJQJDNOQDNOWBDW

[cloudysarts]

this show would be good if literally everything about it was different

[meowsticmarvels]

one of the most insane things about carlos is like. based on how you are introduced to him in ztd you think he's gonna be the most normal character in the game especially when teamed with AKANE and JUNPEI of all people. and he is the hero type main character archetype guy. but then you play suspicion where he literally kills himself with an axe because he's worried about being dangerous to others (? Is he okay actually. What the fuck). and then there's also get back/apocalypse where he waits 10 fucking months for akane and junpei to save them instead of stopping zero at all. What is wrong with him

[quarks-pussy]

So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.

Julian Bashir.

From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.

This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."

This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.

Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.

Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.

[badgirlcoven-official]

"Willow is a bad character because she's a mary sue" me when I missed the entire point of the show

[candikin]

Day 1: First Meet

Decided to do rosemin week this time (also doing curtisson but im posting those seperately)

I don't have anything new for Rosemin, but eh that's not the point of this

[HIDDEN AUDIO FILE FOUND, DO YOU WANT TO OPEN IT?] [[YES]] [NO] [LOADING...] [LOADED!]

"Hello? Is this on? Oh, this better work... Ellie, if you're listening, you are in danger! That guy Henry doesn't like you like I do! I have cared about you for years and years, basically my own life... and you pick him? He abandoned you. What's wrong with me? Am I just not good enough? I wish I could just snatch him away from you and replace him with me. I know it's not repairable but I never even hurt you, but you di-"

[DO YOU W- HUH? WHO'S TRYING TO DELETE THE FILES? IS THIS WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING? NO NO... YOU ARE NOT DELETING ANYTHING.] [[NO]] [NO]

[CLOSING...]

[regina-cordium]

NOT ME SEEING SOMEONE ASK IF ITS OKAY THAT, AS A TRANS MAN, THEY PURPOSEFULLY SLEEP WITH LESBIANS BC THEY LIKE THE IDEA OF DYKE BREAKING (THE ACTUAL TERM THEY USED)

FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF??????????? AND THEY MADE THAT POST IN JUNE??????????????????????? DURING PRIDE MONTH?????????????????????????????????????? "IS IT COOL THAT IM INTO LESBOHPBIA AND CORRECTIVE RAPE"???????????????????????????????????????????? IM BEING SO FUCKING SERIOUS WHEN I SAY DROP DEAD.

[samitch]

I'm so tired I'm still so sick I'm so tireddddd I'm SICK of feeling like this all day every day I'm exhausted I just wish it would go awayyyyy

[britneyshakespeare]

i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

[eebie]

we are deconstructing gender on Google docs tonight boys

[quietwingsinthesky]

Benny: Thanks for not giving up on me, brother.

Dean: Don't give me a reason to.

(im going to throw up)

[heyitslapis]

as someone whos watched h3IIuva b0$$ I really hate that the show's creator is Like That because i love the characters but theyre all built like sticks & unnecessarily fetishized so watching makes me Uncomfortable

[elegyofthemoon]

for the character asks: 2,4,11,23,25 with kevin kaslana :))

eitan i'm coming for your spine. (APPRECIATE YOU BUT WHY....)

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

:( Hard to pick when I've found several... I'll just say his stupid jokes actually crack me up. Because they're just. really bad. And they're so bad that it becomes funny.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

I feel like I've been going on forever about this on the other blog, but I just wanna see what happens if you put Kevin in Nier Automata what will happen. Vibes alone, I think it's pretty fitting for him. Between "Lyin - See You in the Next World", which I'm aware isn't his own song but I was introduced to that song via a live concert where they renamed it to "Kevin Kaslana" and his own theme (completely different song, I just feel like the music kinda fits him.

But mostly, I kinda wanna see what happens if I give this man an existential crisis. Has he been through enough? Maybe. But how about some more?

11. Would you date this character?

OH NOW I JUST KNOW YOU WANTED TO COME FOR MY SHINS BY ASKING THIS QUESTION EITAN.

But in actuality, no asldkfjasdklfjhl but I kiss him in my brain :)

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Your drawing of him bc I can crush him in my hands :) (I'm still crying over it btw it's sooooo so so cute alskdjafhslf)

That plus also whatever the hell is happening here.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Good question.... Well, when your friend hands you a billion goofy ass photos of this guy, I think my inclination was that "Oh he's actually kind of a goof despite pretty serious front", AND THAT WAS A MISTAKE ON MY END I should never have looked anyways but alas, I am weak to a character that can make me laugh.

Getting further into reading and all that, YES he's still a little bit of a goof but I'm so fucking mad (joking) that he's like To A Tee my kind of character and I'm scared for the life of me what that means later down the line when I continue playing Honkai. Impression now is more on the lines of "well the guy lost a lot can you blame him for maybe doing something a bit insane?"

I want to understand further exactly what his plan entails but based on what I do know, it was such a huge jumpscare for me 😐Felt like I was revisiting Nier Gestalt for a split second and a bit of Dreamscape (my OC story) and that scared the heck out of me.

Please leave the premises, sir.

[iindigoeyed]

i shouldn't share yet bc nothing is finished… BUT….. i cannot gatekeep anymore I'm too excited!!! snippet of my current biggest wip bc i am slowly going crazy

[aro-attorneys]

AA6 is very enjoyable again btw

[skenpiel]

uuuu. havent seen conscience of the king in a long time but i remember the episode being very good overall. but kirk hitting on a 19 year old is creepy as fuck right. like. thats not just me, right.